What’s the good, if any, in using a member of the opposite sex to test your partner’s faithfulness to you?
It is understandable that people may have certain fears and concerns when going into relationships, given the riskiness of it all, and the ever-present possibility that things may not really go as planned.
Relationships and marriages have always somehow been like business ventures – you either make profit or incur losses in them.
You partner may turn out to be what you think they are when you agreed to be with them; while on the other hand, they could be an absolute sham, a radical departure from what they portrayed while trying to get you into the relationship.
No matter how forgivable the fear of the unknown is, however, it cannot be an acceptable justification for the indiscriminate paranoia some people go into relationships with.
In case you missed it, some screenshots have been in circulation online recently, showing purported conversations between ‘faithfulness investigators’ and those whose loyalty they have been hired to test.
What basically happens is that lovers, husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends would reach out to the Investigator’s account on Twitter [@investigathor] with a request for their partner’s faithfulness to them to be tested.
The format is for the investigator to pose as a member of the opposite sex and then try to seduce that partner. You can imagine what happens when someone fails the test.
This won’t be the first time people would be testing their partner’s loyalty, neither is this the only format known.
People in other civilizations have been known to hire private investigators to track their partners’ movements when they have suspicions of infidelity.
There have been stories, too, of how people test their partners by sending friends, cousins, etc, to go seduce them to see if they’d fall or not.
But really, what’s the sense in all of this, if any? Is this a foolproof way to decide a partner’s faithfulness? Is there a place to draw the line when it comes to the search for this kind of ‘truth’? Is it necessary or fair to put your partner through this kind of test? Do you even need to put yourself through this kind of emotional trial?
It needs to be said, first of all, that there are situations that warrant this kind of tests. When a partner shows all the telltale signs of cheating, when they switch up on you and no longer do the things they used to do and despite all the communication and attempt to call them to order, nothing works, it may be tenable that in the quest for evidence of their philandering, one employs one way or another to find evidence to nail them with.
What’s absolutely unwise is the indiscriminate use of these services. If your relationship is going smoothly, you’re happy and everything seems just fine, what’s the point in trying to find answers where no questions exist.
It’s somehow comparable to what we once said here about men seeking paternity tests when there's no reason or cause for it.
It’s actually better to just let sleeping dogs lie, really. Distrust and unsubstantiated paranoia are not good for partners who intend to stay happy together for a long time.
Because nothing is ever black and white, it could even be sensible sometimes to ignore rumours and hearsay evidence if you intend to stay happy in your marriage and relationship.
As with everything in relationships and matters of the heart, there are no hard and fast rules deciding anything. So it is advisable for partners to always put everything in perspective and think decisions through before acting on them.
Your happiness, or the lack of it in a relationship or marriage is very dependent on you and the quality of decisions you make.